Parenting Teens is Hard
Last month was Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and, throughout the month, I found myself reflecting a lot on being the Dad of a 17 and a 20-year-old. Actually, after writing that sentence I’m now reflecting on feeling really old. Ok, back to the original point.
When my kids started dating, I saw my job as watching out for their safety and minimizing the hanky panky (oh wow, I really am old). Where are you going to be? What time will you be home? Leave your bedroom door open! This felt like the traditional Dad role, as demonstrated by every sitcom I watched growing up.
But after working at Lutheran Settlement House, I’ve learned to expand my definition of what safety means. Zack Mackey, our Community Engagement Supervisor, gave me some great questions to ask my kids. And he would know what questions to ask. Every day, he works with teens through our STAR program, training high school students to teach their peers about healthy relationships. Last year, his team provided domestic violence prevention programs to over 800 children and youth.
Here are some relationship questions to add to your concerned parent checklist:
- Are you happy?
- Do you feel good about yourself?
- Are you respected?
- Are your boundaries respected?
Look, I’m not naïve. I know that only about 10% of what I say is going to stick in my kids’ heads. I’m already repeating myself about things like doing the dishes and finishing homework. But if there’s one message I’m going to reinforce, one message I want to ensure they hear and remember, it’s this: You have dignity and worth, and no one can take that away from you. No one deserves to live with abuse. Not your partner. Not you.
It turns out the 80s sitcom Dad might not be the pinnacle of parenting. We can all learn and grow, and we all want the same things for our kids, that they learn how to load the dishwasher correctly. But also, and I guess more importantly, that they be safe, happy, and fulfilled.
Take care,
David Chiles
This story is part of Every Day at Lutheran Settlement House, a new series featuring stories from our Executive Director.
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